Before coming to Thailand I had so many fears—What if I’m too overwhelmed to handle it? What if I miss Ismail too much? What if I can’t teach English as a foreign language? What if I just feel lost and alone? But I also had the strong feeling that it was the right thing for me at this time in my life for many important reasons. It was more than just the desire to see a part of the world I had always dreamed about. Above all else this is a journey towards self growth. It’s about losing old crutches that I no longer need so I can become the best possible me. I have kept that at the forefront of my mind since I’ve been here because I did not want this trip to turn into just an extended vacation for me to have fun, but then just return with the same old baggage I came with. I know that God has laid this path in front of me for this purpose— so that I can return home ready for the next phase of my life.
As I reflect on my first 2 ½ months I am so proud of my progress. I see myself now versus when I first got here and I notice the difference. I have made concrete changes physically towards self growth that have already created a more positive self outlook. I am enjoying things again that I hadn’t done for a long time like writing and scrapbooking. I have things to do now that don’t involve simply watching tv and waiting for Ismail. I’m making friends here, and enjoying their company. I have done things I thought I’d never do like driving a motorbike, attending a Buddhist service, and taking trips on my own. I know how to navigate my way around the bus terminals, the airport, the ferry, and the minivan stations, and I look less like a tourist and more like a “farang” that lives here. People notice me on the bus and say hello. I’ve even been stopped by directions by lost Westerners and been able to point them in the right direction. I’m learning my numbers and am able to bargain shop in Thai now and understand the price of street food when I ask “tao rye kah?” (how much?). What is most important about all these experiences are that they’re creating a more independent, confident me.
I promised myself that I would make the most out of this experience in every way; that it would be so much more than just a fun trip I had, which I had to borrow money from Ismail to take. I am making good on that promise so far. I still have some major goals to accomplish, but each time I accomplish 1 goal, it give me more confidence that I can accomplish the more difficult ones. I look forward to the woman I will become at the end of this beautiful path.
Pic. 1 - July - Commute
Pic. 2 - Aug. - National Museum
Pic. 3 - Sept. - Commute
Pic. 4 - Sept. - Koh Samui
Pic. 5 - Sept. - Phetchaburi
Life is indeed a journey, it will also determine where we end up i.e. final destination. If we chose to journey down our own pathway putting ourselves ahead of others then we would have walked the wide crowded path most follow. If we chose the pathway God has for us though faith and repentance accepting forgiveness for our sin through Jesus His son we will travel the narrow pathway that few travel. However our final destination will end in spending eternity with God. (Check out book of John in the Bible) May you find light in dark times.
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